My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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