I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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