oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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