the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
