So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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