I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
