holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
