she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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