he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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