I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
