I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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