I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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