You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
