I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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