Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
