hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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