Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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