Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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