Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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