Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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