3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
