Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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