the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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