If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
