erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
