I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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