Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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