Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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