I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just puked most of my soul out..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
