life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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