no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
