I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
