Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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