How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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