i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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