plz talk dirty to me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
