Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
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Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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