What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
