i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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