Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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