my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize