About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
