That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
