Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I supernannyed him into submission
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
