9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
