It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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