it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
