I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I need moral support for this bender
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Still dying that you shit outside
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.