Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.