we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.