She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail