Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
