Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
