its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
