i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
