just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
