Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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