is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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