you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
