Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
