there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
