i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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