I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
