Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
