i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
