So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
