Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
