I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
