Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
