just come out here and I will go home with you...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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