I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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