does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
