youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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