i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.