He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?