dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.