This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
