I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.