I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me